I will be posting a series of ‘things I have learnt about twins’.
Now, how I have handled the last 2 years are not anything to benchmark against in terms of how-to with twins, as I have made (and continue to still make) way more mistakes than I ever thought possible and really still do have no idea. But in case it helps ANYONE who finds out they are expecting twins (or even if you are friends with someone who is), this is some shiz that I have learnt along the way that has worked for me…
Todays post… midwives and sticking up for your peeps.
With twins you may be in the hospital for longer than the average Joe (we were in for 2 weeks). During this time you will encounter many midwives, some who you love and wish they stayed at the hospital with you day in day out, and others who, well, how do I put this… seem to know shiz about twins.
Like twins sometimes do, our twins came early and were in special care for 2 weeks with me staying in hospital with them. I did not enjoy being in hospital. This was because with every shift change a whole new set of midwives came along with a whole new set of their own personal WAY pushed in my face about what I should/should not be doing with the twins. I had no idea what I was doing, and I craved consistent advice, which never came.
- Feed one at a time/feed them both together
- Just keep breastfeeding your milk will come in soon/they are hungry we need to give them a bottle
- They are not eating well and need tubes/what are they doing with tubes in, get them out
- Tube in/tube out
- Feed them every 2 hours/3 hours/4 hours
- Keep them together/keep one with you on the ward
- Only give them expressed milk from a bottle/here I have made you up some formula to give them
- Twin feed them football style together/what are you doing it is too soon to twin feed them football style together
- Here try this bottle teat/No bottles what are you doing
- Pump and express/What are you doing on that pump
Seriously, one would put me on a program to breastfeed them every 2 hours + express on a pump for 20 minutes an hour after, repeat….. then the next shift change they would tell me to just breastfeed them every 3 hours and that it should be done as double football twin feed only… then the next shift they would tell me that the tubes were going back in and that they were going to just tube feed…. all in the one day.
It was like a really bad rollercoaster, and not at all what I had imagined.
I also found that because one twin was in special care and one twin registered to the ward (but kept with the other twin in special care most of the time), and both having feeding tubes in and out on various days, we fell between the cracks. It was not cool and being a first time mummy I didn’t realise I could have dictated a bit more about what went down instead of just doing what I was told and crying in the loo.
It all came to a head on day 9 when one of the middys in special care yelled at me for taking 1 hour to get the twins fed and back to bed (at this stage I was feeding them one after the other). She said I should have them both fed and back to bed in 30 minutes total. It was about this stage that we decided to ignore all of the middys except 2 who were totally rad, and got docs permission to high-tail it out of there. I am not sure if this is common or not, but the twins were effectively discharged from special care straight to home without getting put back on the ward.
Once at home, I contacted a private middy who specialised in twin feeding and she did home visits every 2nd day to help establish twin feeds, twin routines, and general support for premmie little twins. She was the bomb and I love her long time.
To me, many of the hospital middys we encountered appeared to just spout off their own sometimes personal views on things without trying to give us some consistency to follow. And because I was a first time mama and totally overwhelmed by the experience, I didn’t really stick up/speak up for myself and my babies as much as I would have liked in hindsight.
While the physios, doctors, and tea ladies* all said the same message as each other day in and day out, the middys seemed to just tell us their own (sometimes I wondered ‘personal’) view on what we were to do. At the time I followed every piece of advice, as what did I know. But now, looking back, it kind of fecks me off that they did that, and that I did that.
So my personal advice from this lesson learnt is: pick one or two middys who you love and feel ‘gets’ you and twins… and just listen to them. Nod and smile at the others, but don’t bust yourself trying to do everything they say.
* yes I got the tea lady lecture about the dangers of eating luke-warm food left on a tray in my room for more than 40minutes a couple of times. I just nodded and smiled but really what I was thinking in my head was “Really lady I know this shiz, but I haven’t eaten all day because I have been up in special care while I try to double breast feed twins with the 3 of us having no idea, and actually right now, I would pick a chicken leg off the floor and chow down on that if I walked past one”.
For the first time (and I hope I am doing this right, I am linking in to With Some Grace for Flog Yo Blog Friday.
Hello, I am alongside you on FYBF and I have twins too
hi!! Mine are one year older than yours, it is always good to meet other twin mums 
Yay another twim mum! Oh you can teach me everything that is coming the next 12 months lol
I am going to go check out your blog now
Far out, the inconsistent advice is so enraging. Even with just one baby. I think I was pretty lucky with the hospital midwives first time round but even then they do all seem to march to the beat of their own drum a bit. These posts about the twins are fantastic K xx
Thanks Sare – this one was close to my heart. I can write it without crying now remembering back (it was awful), but I do still feel a little punchy over it all lol.
I am starting to think a lot of the things I write about in these twin posts also apply to singleton bebs too in many cases.
One of my friends is studying to be a midwife and she is the funniest coolest chick ever. I so wish I had of had someone like her around at the time.
That must have been so terrible, you poor thing. I think it’s so wrong that you didn’t get the support you needed at what is probably one of the hardest and most overwhelming times of your life. They are supposed to help and make things easier, not confuse and upset you.
I found it really hard to deal with the midwives in the 3 and half days we were in and I only had one baby and no special care to worry about. Every shift change brought different midwives with different ideas, some who were fantastic and took the time to help you with breastfeeding and make sure you were comfortable, others who would just walk in, shove the kids mouth on your boob then walk out while telling you that you weren’t allowed Panadol more than every 6-8 hours whether you were hurting or not. Needless to say I got out of there as quick as possible and hope I’ll have only have to stay the minimum 4 hours after having this next one.
Thanks Kylie (btw – love your blog!).
I just wish I had stood up for myself and the twins a bit more with the middys.
I just did everything I was told – which added to the awfulness.
I think if I had more confidence at the time I could have told them to politely stick it a bit more.
hello! Lovely to meet a fellow twin mum
thankfully for me I had had two previous births by the time I got to the twins so I had half a clue of how to look after babies by then. Although the middys in my hospital were great, maybe the hospital had done some training on consistency or something? I don’t know, but they looked after me pretty well.. Lucky me! 
Great I am now following you on Facebook
Love the name of your blog 
It is so good to hear you had a good experience at the hospy. xx
Far out …indeed . I got the same deal as you with change of shift midwives and their rules with BFing and NG tubes. My twins were in special care for 3 weeks, I was discharged home after 1wk .They stayed till I eventually demanded to go home. During the day I did everything for my twins, I just nodded like you said when they asked if I was doing x, y, or Z.
Love your advice.
Hi Trish – thanks for taking the time to comment.
It is a bit of a worry how many twin mummys had a similar experience. Did they offer you to stay in the hospital for the other 2 weeks also as a guest rate thingy they can do?
I’m going to go check your blog out now – I’m really keen to read some other Australian twin mummy blogs. xx
I’ve had a few lovely friends with twins and the biggest bonus they have had has been a private mothercraft nurse or midwife that saw them when they went home. The one/one (well 3) tailored support and the opportunity for the woman to be seen away from that medical model of ‘my way or the highway’ despite the highway going in a different direction with every shift change made my friends become the confident, flexible mums of twins. I was a single mum with my baby girl and then a mum of 2 stepdaughters and my own daughter (and married) with my son. The different advice I was given about juggling my families needs was mind boggling. I wanted to put my fingers in my ears and yell LAH LAH LAH by the end of the hospital stay….visiting from FYBF Sarah x
Hi Sarah – thanks for popping by and taking the time to comment. I so should have done the fingers in my ears and LAH LAH with a lot of the things I was told to do in hospy. Wish I had now. Did you have a post on FYBF – I will go have a look for it. Cheers, Katy.
Midwives can be so helpful or not can’t they? My first was under UV lights for a while, so they had to give her more fluids and I had one lady making her drink it out of a cup, and another just giving her a bottle and I was stressed she would never breastfeed.
So confusing!
I admire mothers of twins so much. You are incredible!
Oh and congrats on your first FYBF!
Hi Jess. Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. Out of a cup!? Sounds like a similar experience to me. Thanks for the facebook follow. I’m off to check out your blog now
Cheers, Katy
What a shame you didn’t have a great experience with your midwife – it really can made or break things. I had a terrible time with my second bub – they basically told me that because I’ve done it before I should know what I’m doing and then left me to it!!!! What a challenge having twins – I salute you!! FYBF xxxx
Thanks for stopping by MrsD. Sorry to hear you had the same kind of experience with your 2nd bub. BTW I love your blog – I think we both have the same level of obsession with the beach! Cheers, Katy.
I have the utmost respect for mums of twins, I have no idea how you do it. I had 3 in 3.5 years and thought that was hard! Midwives really need to think before they speak sometimes me thinks
Emily
Hi Emily. Wow your 3 are so close together in age.
Yes they sure are! Our third was a SURPRISE! x
Hello fellow twin mum! I was reading your post nodding in agreement the whole way. My boys were in NICU for 2 weeks. I actually really loved our midwives (most of them) in NICU. It was the ones that were looking after me in my ward that were ready to do my head in. I was getting all sorts of different advice, some of them were lovely, others were right witches.
But as long as the boys were safe and growing stronger, that was my main priority.
Hi Grace
I really like your blog and follow it on Facebook 
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